About Jamieson Ridenhour -
I’ve been asked to give the “funniest quotes” from Barking Mad. Since I wrote the book, I felt a little strange about deciding what were the funniest lines—who am I, anyway? So, I asked for help from readers. Their picks are below. I also added a couple of my own favorite quotes—I like them; you’ll have to decide if they’re funny. Here we go:
If there is a way in which Moony prefers to love, it is from afar. The last time he needed my “help,” it was to ghost-write love sonnets to Esmeralda Watchcase, the daughter of one of my father’s law colleagues. At the crucial moment, he collapsed under the weight of his own agitation and threw the sonnets in the Thames, completely oblivious to the nearly twenty-seven minutes of brow-beetling I had lavished upon them. Regarding the present circumstances, I suspected a woman was at the bottom of this well.
“Moony,” I declaimed, “I suspect there is a woman at the bottom of this well.”
“I say, Pelham, are you feeling alright?”
“Yes, sir. I am most well. I am being completely serious when I say––”
“Because when you said ‘werewolf’ just then I had a clear thought. ‘Reggie,’ said my thought, ‘Pelham’s going round the pipe.’ I don’t often have thoughts, Pelham, and I find it neighborly to agree with them when they do occur.”
“If you would be so kind, sir, as to let me finish.”
“Certainly, Pelham. Rant away, my good lunatic.”
“Thank you, sir. Before I worked for you, I was employed by a man named Coverdale. Mr. Coverdale was a member of an organization that spent its time dabbling in the dark arts.”
“What, like macramé?”
“No, sir. Though Mr. Coverdale was not unfamiliar with the craft of macramé, I do not mean that.”
“I regret to say I have not read many detective novels, sir. I find myself drawn to more edifying forms of literature.”
“Ah, well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of, Pelham. We’re all men below the surface.”
Now, I can’t say for certain whether you’ve ever tried to explain to a police constable why you’re trying to get into a house at 6:30 a.m. while you are naked. I will say nudity is a deterrent to success in most conversations with members of a rural police force, and this was no exception. I felt extremely visible. Neither of us spoke for nearly fifteen seconds.